For the past 6 months, I’ve been totally mesmerized by Switzerland. Every time I look out of the window I cannot believe I am living here! Me in the mountains? That has been a dream of mine since I was a kid! I just love everything about this place – mentality, food, nature, and even its countless rules. Though, from time to time I cannot help myself but stop and wonder whether my ex-boyfriend – London was better at [insert smth not too naughty]? Was our break up a mistake? And then I look at my new love affair with Mr Switzerland, and he is so beautiful I go weak in the knees!
After a glass of wine or two
At this particular evening Switzerland’s beauty is just not enough. Somehow, I am missing London, and Latvia….my family, my friends…basically all the people I know in this world. Like a sad sod, I’ve been looking at my old pictures and slowly diving in the bittersweet nostalgia. And maybe it is okay. After all, I haven’t seen my friends and family for almost half a year now. Well, we’ve had guests. But it is different when you visit your old hometown. To live out in entirety its atmosphere, to breath its air…
I should be happy. After all things are looking better than ever. But at the same time, we are also somewhat lonely. Not the loneliest we’ve ever been…but nevertheless lonely. Besides each other, there is no one else to lean on to. I guess, sacrifices must be made if you want to go forward.
When I look at things logically, I am in the right place. Though, there are a few days when I must remind myself that (like today). I miss going out with my friends, and most importantly I miss my niece and nephews. Because I have chosen to live away I only see them a few times a year for a handful of days. I will never see them grow up (at least not properly). Every time I go back I see them changed. And that’s not how it should be.
If you live with your dear ones you don’t notice the changes in their face, their character. Days spent together just flow steadily by. They don’t just jump. But that’s how it is for me, once I go back it’s like I’ve traveled into the future. And as I grow older my family does too. I will never get that time back. And let’s not forget countless birthday parties and family gatherings that I haven’t attended and won’t attend. I try to bury it but the feeling of guilt is always there.
The voice of reason
So, in the end, is this all worth it? Yes, it is! As hard as it sometimes can be, nostalgia is not true. We tend to idealize our memories and our pretend-lives. The truth is there isn’t a place or a life on earth that doesn’t crave for more. Whether it’s a deeper absolution for a Buddhist or more money for a capitalist. It’s just in our human nature to want extra, to go further to gain more. And it’s okay!
And I am glad to say that I feel like I’ve already lived 4 lives. I’ve been a Latvian, a Highlander, a Londoner and now an Alpinist (not the one that climbs mountains). Leaving a place behind can be depressing but at the same time, it’s also liberating, no matter how good it once was.